if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
