He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
