I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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