my vag is so smooth its legendary
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If I die, sorry about rent.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
