he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
found the other keg... it's in the tree
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
not ubering you a puppy
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
