Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
