Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
