I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
