I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
