I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
