Pappa wants mamma naked
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
