You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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