I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize