Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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