You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
