We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
