Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
