"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
