their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
