he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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