So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
