...so i touched it.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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