K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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