I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
