I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
