I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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