So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
