This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
