yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
