I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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