I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
