at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
