Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
