Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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