So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
