Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize