Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
