what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
