It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
