Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize