she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
