Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
