I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
