I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
