she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
