So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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