why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
