I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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