I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he shaved USA in his pubs
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I did not marry a roomba.
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