WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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