quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize