We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
