There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Alive.
So much puke
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
