This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize