yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
