you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
