Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
