so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
