Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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