And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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