I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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