Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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