been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
