just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You can't special order awesome
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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