you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
