I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
