I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't deserve a penis
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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