roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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