My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
